This is the week each year when I celebrate, and grieve, the loss of my daughter, Teal. Four years ago she died from a medically unexplainable cardiac arrest … and since then she’s been anything but quiet.
So my entire perspective about both life and death have shifted radically. I no longer fear other people, or face the world with my tough-girl game face of intimidation. Instead, I’m far more interested in fun.
No longer must I know how everything will come out, or ‘work hard’ to micromanage and coerce results.Turns out I don’t have to grip and hold on to be safe.
Instead I’m learning to tap into the gorgeous flow that surrounds us, and ride the undulating waves of life with unexpected ease. And to accept what comes as necessary and important.
So I just surf – and when I fall off, and get sidetracked into some unpleasant emotional experience, I do my best to shake myself off, get back on the board and … ride! It’s a practice. And that’s the other thing — I don’t have to do it perfectly.
And so life has become fun again. Even death isn’t a particularly big deal any more.
When the worst thing that can possibly happen comes to pass, you discover an unexpected sweetness on the other side of that crisis. A transformation comes that makes your entire life far better.
If you allow it.
This morning I felt Teal around me, speaking into that small, still space between sleep and waking. It’s the very same space we heard a lecture about only a few hours before her collapse … the ethereal passageway that shamans travel in between the afterlife and our world.
And so I received a message from her that I am meant to share with you here.
Do not judge death with the same limited mind that barely learns or understands the potential in life.
You feel that potential sometimes in life’s magic – the touch of a lover’s hand, the triumph of a long-cherished dream. Or in the laughter of a child.
But you are afraid of that power and so you hang back.
Do not hang back. Instead, become quieter and quieter until you are fully suffused with the power and majesty of God who lives inside of you.
Then let go. Do what you want. Allow yourself to truly feel your own deep, soaring magnificence.
The full, God-given gift of life is available to those who do not fear death. For loss is only temporary, a fleeting stab of pain.