The Value of Discomfort

tense handsLast weekend I emerged. Surrounded by good friends, a cameraman and a sound guy, I made some videos in which I stated for the first time what I am now here to do.

After it was over, I was exhausted; emerging is hard work. But it’s also necessary, critically so, and the exhaustion and discomfort are an excellent sign.

It means I’m growing, one scary step at a time.

When we allow ourselves to really own our worth, and stake our claim in the world, magic happens. Because when I really show up, look you in the eye and speak my truth … from the raw edge of my heart … then you show up as well.

In the weeks and months immediately following my daughter’s death in 2012, I experienced a world of people opening up to me on Facebook as I posted my tender, ripped wide-open essays.

At first I was writing them to make sense of the extreme left turn my life had just taken. What I was unprepared for was the outpouring of love and relating that followed. People responded with long, frank personal stories. More and more people began to follow me and share what I wrote about with their friends. All of this flowed like unexpected honey and it encouraged me onward again and again.

Now a year later, the grief has softened and the moment has come to stake my claim. It is time to be known again as a leader and serve people in more specific ways, not matter how tender I still feel.

Otherwise, Teal’s death has been in vain, as has all of my growth since her death.

Because even when I flummox around and feel bewildered and hang back in fear and uncertainty – I know what I have to do. There is a very specific message that I am to deliver in more and more powerful ways. And there will be no better time to do that than now.

No matter how painful it may be.

The recent filming proved it to me. In each of the first three takes I dissolved into tears. But my partners in this project, two British women who have also lost children, gently and firmly held the line. “You can do this,” they said simply.

And I knew they were right. After a certain point you just have to get on with things. Even if it hurts. So I adjusted my make up, looked myself in the mirror and decided it would all be OK.

And it was.

In the next take, I took a deep breath, leveled with the camera and as I did, a beautiful thing happened. I connected with the power of my message –- and I said yes. Put simply it is as follows …

Through loss you grow.

In each crisis there is magic — and often an unlikely joy.

Your breakdown holds the genius of reinvention. You just have to be willing to look for it.

If you are in pain, your life is trying to tell you something. For this is your greatest opportunity to rebalance your life. And rather than dissolve into chaos, or victimized drama, you can actually love yourself all the way back to wholeness.

I know because I have done this. And I’m here to encourage you to follow me on this golden path of redemption.

This is a message I need to be reminded of every day … and so it is my great privilege to share it with you.

Thanks for listening … Know anyone else who needs to hear this? If so, just click Share.

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  1. Margret
    Margret says:

    I have been inspired and comforted by your posts and never more so than this one. My lovely husband died suddenly and unexpectedly in August 2012. I had happily supported him in his dream to build a business with his American partners – it had involved using all our savings, including the equity from our house. The breakthrough for all his hard work and dedicatioin was beginning to manifest. Then he died. The pain has been sharp and scalding and raw – my life partner and the life we so painstakingly built is gone.

    But the love we shared remains. Our family is here – we move through our pain to reshape our lives without his physical presence. My work is my salvation as I tentatively begin to bring my gifts to the world in a new way. But there are times, Suzanne, when I have, as you so eloquently put it, dissolved into chaos – and become involved in victimised drama. Fear about lack overwhelms me and all my intuitive knowing is termporarily swamped as I contemplate the herculean task of financially supporting myself when I am starting from ground zero. This is where I have been for the last few days – and I have prayed and meditated and God has answered.

    I received a message at one of these times just a few days ago which was, – ‘I wouldn’t have given you this to do if you couldn’t do it’. I know this is true – and you are an example of how that can manifest. You are a guiding light to me as you have shared your healing journey. I am inspired to look further, dream bigger and embrace all that life has to offer more fully than ever before.

    Thank you. Bless you as you continue to heal and in doing so bring your gifts to others. with love, Margret

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