I put the deck of Goddess Guidance cards in front of me, shuffled them, and drew three cards – one for the past, one for the present, and one for the future. Since Teal’s death in 2012, I sometimes pulled these cards from her deck just as she once did.
I like to imagine Teal’s energy is still in these cards, subtly aligning with the goddesses whose names are written on each one. After she died, I found a worn spiral notebook in which she’d carefully transcribed the guidance she received from her own readings in the last few years of her life.
While I really didn’t understand this whole ‘goddess business’ while Teal was alive, now I paid rapt attention. As it turns out, the goddesses always seem to have an eye out for me, as well.
Over the last five years, the readings had been soothing, helpful, and surprisingly accurate. Now as I laid out the cards, I prayed about the unfolding work I have been given.
What was on my mind, specifically, was how to remain true to my cause.
The fact was that five years ago at the peak of my success I was lost. I was delivering good enough work as a ‘spiritual marketing’ coach, but my feet weren’t on the ground. I was too sucked into a system that was all about pushing, striving, and selling through whatever means necessary. This was training I’d paid tens of thousands of dollars to receive.
At the time, I’d conveniently forgotten about my values. Instead, I turned over my personal responsibility to a whole lot of magical thinking. After all, this was ‘spiritual’ marketing … right? So as long as it ‘felt guided’, anything seemed fair game – even wildly overcharging people.
It was amazing what passed for ‘guided’ in my psyche back then.
Now I’ve uncovered the magic of simply being real, honest and allowing the Universe to meet me however it does. Here, it seems, lies the true spiritual work. Gone is my ambition, my striving, my overwork. My greed.
Instead, I am gently shown the way, day after day, by simply surrendering to what is.
Now I value kindness, compassion and generosity. Instead of manipulating people into buying high priced programs, it feels much better to give freely and to honor each person I meet. As it turns out living simply isn’t so bad.
Just enough really is enough.
This is why I haven’t launched a program or attempted to sell my work, beyond my books, for the last four years. I’ve been getting grounded in these new values, and letting them take root and blossom in my life.
Holding such tender space is the gift of Teal’s death. Yet, at the same time, I know the time has arrived for me to step up and actively lead groups of people again. Hence the question I put to the goddesses.
How can I show up and lead fueled by purpose and service instead of ego and grasping?
The answer was swift. And, as usual, goddesses did not disappoint. In the position of the past was Rhiannon, the ‘Sorceress’, and she was upside down. “You are a magical person who can manifest your clear intention into reality,” read the card.
Yup. I was pretty magical then, and not in a good way. I manifested all sorts of crazy s**t including six figure weekend sales events and the massive tax issues that came with them.
Interestingly, the card was upside down, indicating something was off or there was a big lesson to learn.
In the Present position was Dana, High Priestess, and she, too, was upside down. “You have Divine knowledge that can help others through your spiritual teaching.”
Ah. Okay – yes, it feels like there is more teaching for me to do. And the card is upside down because I’m still holding back, afraid that once more I will fall into the trap of ego and overreach. Can I remain humble and still stand in front of the room?
In the future position was Aphrodite, the Inner Goddess. “Awaken the goddess within you though dance, self-care, and appreciating your divinity.” Happily, this time the card was right side up.
And what am I to teach people? Healing work that begins with self-care.
Clearly, the goddesses are telling me trust the path. It’s all there, and I have nothing to fear. I’ve learned the key lessons, and my awareness is great. Not only that, I have Teal standing by in the ethers, guiding me as I go.
Can I teach again? Can I share my work once more, and this time keep my feet on the ground and my heart open to the world?
Yes, yes. A thousand times yes! I know I can. For with each person we heal, Teal and I live our life purposes just a little more completely.
This is what feels right and true.
And so it must be.