Confessions of a Time Bully

In which I share a cool way to deal with my lifelong habit of trying to cram too many to-do’s into too little time. Would love to hear your thoughts on this …

How I Learned to Believe

buring love noteRecently I watched a video about a woman who had a Near Death Experience. She said something that rang through my head and made me pause the video. I scribbled it on the back of a receipt …

                               Your job in life is just to breathe and not resist.

 I know exactly what this woman is talking about. That is my job and yours, as well – it really is the path to the enduring happiness. I learned this after ‘losing’ everything, including my precious daughter, Teal.

Life must adjust itself sometimes to get back in alignment, much like tectonic plates need to shift and earthquakes happen.

Teal needed to die; she had done her work in the body she was given. My business needed to end so I could return to my writing. And the toxic relationship that was hurting my soul couldn’t go on for one more minute.

We simply need to breathe and allow, even when we can’t see the immediate path to, say, earning a living. An example …

Last week I launched my Back to Joy Healing Group – and one person signed up, God bless her. Just one.

The fervent crowds that huddled in my imagination did not show, despite making what I thought was a ‘good’ offer. Yet, I made a critical mistake – I forgot that I have become an entirely new person in my rebirth.

I simply can’t go conduct my business in the old way. I no longer believe in the Internet Marketing model that says ‘Throw up an offer and they will come rolling in and you will make lots and lots of passive income being a pundit!’

I no longer even believe in being a pundit. What I believe in now, more fervently than ever, is listening to Spirit and allowing myself to breathe, show up and do what’s asked.

I believe in something Teal wrote in one of her journals: Give fearlessly and you shall never want.

I checked in with Spirit after it became clear that my launch failed. Show me what to do, I prayed as I drifted off to sleep. Show me how to serve people and make a living – without being an ego-driven pundit.

When I woke up seven hours later, there was Spirit, patiently whispering in my ear.

Your program failed because you tried to sell healing. You must give it away for free.

“But what about income?” I sputtered. “Surely I’m supposed to sell something … aren’t I?

You will be provided for, Spirit simply said.

You will be provided for.

There’s that lesson again — to simply allow and the path will be shown. Which is exactly how the last two years of my life have been. Money has appeared from unexpected sources again and again, and I am living comfortably, without spending my retirement. I truly want for nothing.

And not surprisingly, the way has been shown again once more.

Just as my would-be program crashed and burned, I was offered a great speaking opportunity in a surprising niche. It’s one that could potentially lead to many more gigs like it, providing me with ample income and an excellent platform for helping people.

Did I expect this? Not at all … In fact, I had no idea such a niche even existed. It just showed up.

Your job in life is just to breathe and not resist.

Amen.

The Value of Waiting to Make an Entrance

curtseying to bears.FBTonight is the first time I will share my new Back to Joy workshop with a live audiences. It’s taken three years to come to a place where my heart and my soul are simply ready for the exposure, the intensity — and the joy — of doing what I was truly born to do.

It’s odd how challenging, yet how right something like this can be … both at the same time! I couldn’t push or force this to happen; I simply had to wait. And in it came, complete with a sold out house.

I am so grateful … and excited … and curious … and … well, Little Susie is champing at the bit. Thank you Spirit! (And much more to come on this, as I plan to lead these free workshops far and wide.)

What Does it Take to Make Things Happen?

typewriter keysQuestion: If you work hard enough and generally push, cajole, and try to force reality … will you get what you want?

Not always. A truncated

result may well be yours for all of that blood, sweat and tears. And you won’t be happy. You’ll just be exhausted.

 

I know this in my heart, but a good friend (we’ll call her Mary) just had to remind me. Mary and I seem to have this conversation a lot. She says that pushing and worrying are a sign that I don’t trust God’s will for me.
She says I’m so busy getting the job done myself there is no room for God to show off.
How will I know when I’m in the grip of all this striving? When I start doing a whole lot of work I don’t want to do, according to Mary. Amen, sister.

 

Earlier this year I tried to launch a program before it – or I – had sufficiently gelled. I wanted to be productive because that is what I have trained myself to do all these years. Even though I was still grieving. Even though I wasn’t all there yet.

 

Regardless, I started Making Things Happen. VA’s were alerted. Email broadcasts were written. Somewhere deep in my heart, my feet were dragging, but still I forged ahead. I did my best to ignore the fact that I wasn’t quite ready.

Let go, advised Mary. Take only the actions that feel right and loving towards myself … and keep a lookout for the messages that bless – or block – this path I’m choosing.

 

But it was too late for that. Instead I pushed ahead, determined to launch no matter how crappy I felt. The result was a successful launch that quickly soured. Many people purchased my program, and initially I was thrilled … until technology reared its ugly head.

 

Suddenly the carefully built online learning area started falling apart. Weird, unexplainable tech problems mounted. A worm got unleashed that crashed the computer of the tech hired to fix it. Hackers attacked and made my entire site disappear … five times.

 

Clearly Spirit had ‘block it’ on the agenda.

 

My learning area stayed broken as yet another tech had her computer melt down while trying to fix it. And then one day … with little warning … the learning area finally got fixed. Peace reined once again.

 

The stalwart Joy Facilitators who had stayed through the trouble got online, found their way around and loved the new interface. Meanwhile, I did what I really needed to do. I rested.

 

I wrote. I rented a sweet little office. I did lots of yoga. I walked on the beach and cried, and decided it was okay to still be grieving a year and a half after Teal’s death. I did only what Mary suggested – that which felt right and true.

 

And suddenly, I began to feel better. Ideas started coming in.

I fell in love. I discovered backpacking. I went on hikes. A commission came in for a series of novels featuring a transman hero.

 

New work and new purpose arrived on little cat feet, creeping in around the edges of my quiet life. Now I realize I am finally ready to write The Book – the next Joy book, this one about the transformation I’ve experienced since Teal’s death.

 

As I surrender, a crowdfunding campaign has begun to take shape and I am hiring a new support team. A sweet community of people moving through loss back to joy has popped up as well on Facebook.

 

I am moving with peace, clarity and a focus on doing just what feels right – and not doing what doesn’t. Magically, every day more and more gets done. A beautiful speaking opportunity showed up for mid-November and people are signing up in droves. My former publicist created a gorgeous PR campaign for me – and in came media hits, some very big. I move with renewed purpose and focus now.

 

I am still the same woman-who-writes-about-Joy that I was before. Yet now I am completely different, forged by the hard things in life and softened by the love that has streamed my way as a result.

 

I can’t go back nor do I need to. I’m good, right here, right now, getting things done just like Mary said – simply by being true to myself. And so it truly feels good to be alive.

 

How about you?

Why We Crave Sugar and Salt

dark chocolateIs it time to put down that donut and start feeling again? I can only say this as a (not very) reformed chocolate fiend. Every day lately, it’s pretty much all I can do to walk away from the chocolate.

Dark. Mint. One of those little bars with the X’s and O’s on it from Whole Foods. Sigh.

It’s my stairway to a whole lot of hot flashes, sleeplessness, and general ‘why am I eating this?’ guilt. And it then can become the gateway drug for … hot fudge sundaes, etc etc etc.

We love sugar and salt so much not because they boost our body chemistry, but because they provide a glorious buzz of escape. I know this because I head for the chocolate when I’m frustrated, scared or I have an important decision to make .

Do you relate?